end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
