I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
