so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
