if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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