Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
