a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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