hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
