I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
