using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
