PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
