allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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