there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my sisters under your porch take her home
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
