Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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