I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
