New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
