It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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