Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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