I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
