Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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