Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
