I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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