This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
