What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
