You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
