hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
