my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
