I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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