note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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