i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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