I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
