So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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