Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
