i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am available for nakedness
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