3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
