i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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