For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't put those talents on a resume
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
