If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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