my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
