Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
