Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
