Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
