She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
