Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
