He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
