I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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