sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is wine microwaveable?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
