Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
