Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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