There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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