hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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