You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
