don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
