Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
