"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
